Monday, April 14, 2008

Mushroom Cap Cover Ups

I would not survive if I were a college student today.

Is it because the intensity of academics taught on campuses today would be too taxing? No. In fact, a person's brain is not fully developed until the age of 25, so ironically, there are many young adults wandering into lecture halls everywhere ill-prepared to learn because cerebral development is still occurring. Because I am several (lots of) years older than 25, I would actually be overqualified developmentally and now even more receptive in acquiring the knowledge that may have escaped me years ago. This may even inspire and influence geriatrics nation wide to re-enroll in universities to pursue academic excellence. Instead of grand parents saving money to send grandchildren to school, grandchildren really should be starting college funds for grandparents.Hmmmmm....

(This lack of cerebral maturity clearly explains the grammatical errors and excessive use of the word "like" I encounter twice a week during my courses. Students can't help themselves when they like, use the word amazing, like in every sentence, because it's like, the most amazing word ever.)

How about the excessive socializing? Perhaps the rampant availability of social outings would be too overwhelming when coupled with the required courses to be completed and the studying necessary to actually LEARN?
I would answer in the negative to this as well. I believe I could still survive the social atmosphere in college and am certain that college friends who read this blog could give personal accounts of my excelling socially, but will not be allowed to because I will delete their comments without remorse. They could easily testify to the social successes experienced in a time when I had more courage than sense.

(However, if I could do it all over again, I would not fib to my parents about the many checks written to a non-academic establishment named Daryl's which I, regrettably,convinced them was a bank. That's just wrong. Funny, but wrong.)

So where would I fail? Why could I not survive the demands of college if I could achieve the desired results both academically and socially? Here is the reason. My inadequacies on a college campus would be so glaringly apparent the moment I stepped into a classroom that it would make Charlie Brown feel like Big Man on Campus.Snickers would ensue, gasps would reverberate off the walls, and looks of pity would be exchanged among all. Why?

Because my clothing would COVER MY SKIN.

When it comes to appropriate attire on campus, the lines have been blurred in differentiating the fashion trends between an academic setting from those of an aquatic setting. Apparel that used to be utilized while learning the back stroke in a swim class are now the same garments worn in a philosophy class, potentially causing a medical stroke to the unsuspecting professor. Tube tops, halter tops and strapless tops are considered normal attire among the college students I have observed. Cold or warm weather, formal or informal event -regardless of the occasion-skin is in. As the mother of a young daughter, I want it to be OUT.I'm young enough not to be old-fashioned yet old enough to object the fashion of the young.

One of the courses I teach this semester is Softball. (Expanding young minds, I know.)

There were 24 young women who greeted me on the first day of class, enthusiastic about spending the remaining weeks of the school year playing in the sun. I, too, find the Spring weather to be energizing but knew that a certain subject would have to be approached.

Appropriate clothing to be worn during my class was discussed immediately after review of the syllabus (Yes, there is a syllabus. I recognize the absurdity too, but those who pay me deemed it necessary to provide an outline detailing the events to occur with a glove, bat and ball.) This is an exact replica of the conversation:

"Before you leave, I would like to talk about appropriate clothing to be worn during my course. Here's the thing-(high-brow academic talk) I'm not going to show you my "stuff" so, in return, I don't want to see your "stuff". Ball caps on your head are acceptable, mushroom caps hanging over your pants are not.If the shorts you wear to other classes are not longer in length than your granny's underwear,do not make your way to the ball field.You will bend, you will run and you will swing and if there is a possibility that something may fall out, hang out, or pop out as a result of such activity, then this is not the course for you."

So while I don't attend college, I do have to survive in the college atmosphere.I can't instill a sense of modesty among all students on campus, but rest assured, that those swinging bats under my watch are wearing mushroom cap cover-ups and the shorts referred to as daisy dukes do not dare venture across my chalked lines. Call us the Quaker Fashionistas if you want, but every one's stuff is appropriately stuffed and, joyfully out of sight.


wendymom said...

As we call them, Muffin Tops, I hate that. I too have noticed as college students have come and gone to tutor that the attire is very different. I myself shopped at Talbots in college and aspired to dress like a teacher, not a hoochie mama, as we call it. You are such a vivid and funny writer. I love it,

Angie said...

Praise the Lord for you taking initiative in keeping the girls stuff appropriately stuffed.

Joni said...

What I find so interesting is that some of these girls display with pride what I go to great lengths (after three children) to hide.

Wait a minute...that rhymes. Maybe I should re-post my entry as a poem... : )

Joni said...

Just doing my little bit in my corner of the world.... : )

Anonymous said...

Gone are the days of cut-off (to the knee) Duckheads, oversize Polo shirts w/white t-shirts underneath, and Umbros for girls college sad.

Anonymous said...

Good for you! As the mother of a college student, it helps me to hear your perspective. My daughter does not dress that way-she is a little more conservative for her age, so it makes me very thankful! She wears Nike shorts and school T-shirts. Thanks.

JMom said...

GOOD going!!!!

Tricia said...

As one who visited the same Daryl's establishment with you in college, we NEVER dressed like the girls do today. I agree with Cezanne, let's bring back the Umbros, Tretorns, polo shirts and big Chi-O sweatshirts.
I loved this BLOG! Too funny!