Saturday, September 25, 2010

Last Resort List

By resorting to the list below, I am admitting the following:

1. I am as behind on this blog as I am on the laundry. And grocery shopping, housekeeping and overall grooming. (I wear pants in 100 degree heat for a reason. )

2. Providing the usual details about recent events and using the usual excess words that sometimes makes my husband’s ears hurt is not going to happen.

3. If I were to do so, it may take me until next year to catch up on all that has occurred, a task so daunting it makes my overgrown eyebrows ache.

Like many situations in our lives, sometimes it is a good thing just to start all over again exactly where you are. The more we get behind, the harder it is to look ahead, a stagnant place that isn’t good for anyone. My wheels keep spinning; they just haven’t been taking me anywhere.

So, today memories comes in the condensed variety. Sort of a cliff notes version to help get me back on track of all things bringing joy.

1. The children started back to school. Just in time. Because the temperatures in our town reached an intensity that only the devil would enjoy,the last week of summer found us all inside together not only jumping up and down on each other’s nerves but wiggling around all under each other’s skin. Clearly, our annoyance with one another encompassed our entire anatomy.

All three look especially old in this picture, as if they could head off to college any minute. They still don’t take seriously my plans to home school them post high school years.

2. As if is not enough that I battle laundry piles that threaten to spill into the streets, we decided to take our chaotic house one level deeper. An ascension into total disorder and disarray that would make Dante’s Inferno seem like Disney World. We are renovating our home, which includes the addition of bedrooms and a laundry room while we live in said home. A decision that may prove to be regrettable as our family of five continues to to fight over one bathroom and sleeping arrangements that include piling children on top of one another like fire logs.

3. This one had his braces removed.

This one had braces put on.

This one continues to suffer from the indignity of it all.

My tag along friend, Mr. Double Chen, resents the attention stolen from him by the orthodontics.

4. My husband is convinced that the squirrels in our small town are retreating to his office to die. Because of keen investigative skills – and a stench that made his nose hairs fall to the ground – John discovered dead squirrels in the attic that had to be dealt with immediately. Unfortunately, the rodent removal occurred during office hours and in between patients. Doesn’t that make you want to make an appointment?

5. Football practice and games continue to unnerve me and make this child very tired.

6. My sedative prescription had to be increased because of repeated sightings of reptiles like this:

7. Some embrace the reptile nonsense. How can she be a child of mine?

8. But then I find a photo like this on my i-phone, taken without my notice by a precocious six year old, and I have no doubt that she belongs to me.

(As an ending side note: if the eyebrow lady ever asks if the hair above your lip is to be removed as well, the answer should always be yes.)


Elizabeth @ things with feathers said...

HILarious. I can't believe she got that shot of you. The only thing better than a mischievous child is a talented mischievous child.

Joni said...


MM was fascinated by the whole waxing process. She was, however, a little concerned about the hair above the lip. "I'm not gonna have that - am I mom? Because that's really gross."


ekrisdinger said...

oh joni you kill me! that last picture reminded me of a picture i took in high school of my mom in the dentist's chair, dentist busy doing his work, mom glaring at me. and now i am wondering why i was at the dentist with my mom when i was in high school.

glad to see you're still surviving!

Joni said...


There's something so wrong with any type of picture taken in a clinical setting. But there's also something so wrong with a mom who thinks its so funny she has to publish it for all to see.

Double chin and all.


Just Another Ordinary Miracle said...

You make me smile...and a frog is not a reptile .....that's why she can embrace them-

Joni said...


I guess it comes as no surprise that I did not excel in any area pertaining to science.

Reptiles, amphibians, creepy crawly things - I lump them all into one category called UNWELCOMED.

Let's get together soon.


Just Another Ordinary Miracle said...

Don't forget I'm your nerdy biology majoring chemistry minoring friend - I notice these things :)