1.Suppertime is random as well as the food you serve. Six thirty one night, eight thirty the next. Well-balanced meals become off-balanced meals, sometimes in the form of pure preservatives. Cheetos with a side of Oreo cookies is a standard request, and the unbearable heat tricks you into believing it has nutritional value.
2. Sighting of the ice cream truck in the neighborhood rivals the discovery of Santa Claus in the chimney. Barefooted children joyfully dart across the yard, waving arms in desperation and screaming in high pitched tones, all to buy a $3.00 ice cream sandwich that currently resides in their home freezer.
3. Your children’s attire chosen for the day resembles that of colorblind hobos, but you are too hot and too unconcerned to put together anything remotely resembling precious.
4. A highlight of the day is retrieving the mail. You watch for the mail truck like a child watches for said ice cream truck, and you begin to seem borderline creepy and stalkish-like to the unsuspecting mailman.
5. You crave barbecued anything like a pregnant woman craves pickles and a glimpse of her swollen ankles. Suddenly everything tastes better grilled and topped with a little barbecue sauce including deviled eggs, mashed potatoes, and summer squash.
6. Your calls to your husband at work increase ten fold. Highlights of The View are surprisingly not received warmly from your spouse even if the segment on bikini waxing was highly informative.
7. You see canning jars at the local grocery store and for a brief moment consider canning vegetables for the upcoming winter. That is, until you remember you don’t know how to can and wonder how canned vegetables can be better than the miraculous “steam in the bag” vegetables found in the frozen section. Not to mention that it is tough to get the daily summer dose of preservatives in fresh vegetables.
8. You reluctantly put on a bathing suit for ALL to see, all in the name of taking your children to the local pool, even when normal, every day modesty prevents you from allowing family members (or friends for that matter) to EVER see you in your undergarments.
9. Every time you glance in the mirror you see a multi-colored ring around your lips because you can’t seem to stay out of the children’s Popsicles.
10. You realize the enormous amount of “summer grooming” that has to take place after the ongoing neglect that has occurred during the school year. Appointments attended for highlighting the hair, pedicuring the toes, and waxing the eyebrows begin with your “specialist” saying, “So exactly how long has it been since your last visit?” After wiping your eyebrows out of your eyes, you lie, and say just a few weeks.