Never let it be said that I am not ambitious in the goals I have for myself. The following are resolutions for 2013:
1. I will not use the smoke detector in my kitchen as a cooking timer.
2. I will be as grateful for the small blessings as I am for those that are large. But I will still dance gangham style when the large occurs:
3. I will attend all eyebrow waxing appointments in a timely manner so that weed eating equipment is not necessary.
4. I will schedule office utilities to be paid on automated bank draft so that my husband does not worry about taking care of patients in the dark.
5. I will laugh so hard and so often that fugitive stomach muscles will be forced to come out of hiding.
6. I will exercise more patience in the carpool line and deny myself all fantasies of skidding to a sideways stop in front of the school in Dukes of Hazard fashion.
7. I will hug my children when they want it, when they don’t, and always in front of their middle school friends.
8. I will listen more, talk on my cell phone less and continue to grow my relationship with the On Star Lady.
9. I will be more mindful of the food pyramid when preparing meals for my family. However, when said pyramid tries to trick me with terms like monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fatty acids, I will resort to previous guidelines:
10. I will believe the scale I step on and not think that it is a conspiracy masterminded by Weight Watchers. I will also not use the excuse that the dryer has shrunk my clothes.
11. I will look for joy in all circumstances, including subpar grooming, parenting, finance managing and weight watching.
Never mind, there’s no joy in weight watching.
12. And finally, I will love God and I will love others. I will especially love those who don’t love me back, and if a turnaround ever occurs, remind them later of the nonsense they were missing. : )