After six days of sequester with two high schoolers and one college kid, I have carefully analyzed household data and quantitatively produced the following quarantine counts:
24 - Number of Little Debbie Cakes confiscated from my pantry.
24- Number of hours that transpired during said confiscation.
65 - Number of times I've heard the word bored from one of my three offspring.
65 - Number of times my head has spun into orbit upon hearing the word bored.
456 - Number of instances I've said, "Help me, Jesus" while quarantined.
456 - Number of instances I've said "Help me, Jesus" in response to a child while quarantined.
7 - Number of laps taken by kids between the refrigerator and pantry doors, before boldly declaring, "We don't have ANY FOOD IN THIS HOUSE!"
7- Number of times declaration negated by orange, Cheeto residue left on both doors.
16 - Number of occasions I've asked, "Anyone want to play a game with me? Scrabble? Uno? Yahtzee?"
16 - Number of occasions teenagers/college kid replied, "No."
17 - Number of times teenagers/college kids asked, "Can I hang out at my friend's house? Or go to Zaxby's? School?"
17- Number of times I've replied, "No."
123 - Number of calls received on my phone from someone WITHIN MY OWN HOUSE.
123 - Number of calls declined on my phone from said someone within my own house.
89 - Number of times a wayward teenager/college kid has asked, "What happened to all of the Little Debbie Cakes?!"
89 - Number of times I've blankly stared at them and said, "Help me Jesus."
No comments:
Post a Comment