Sunday, November 7, 2010

Vomitpalooza 2010

The abundant joy one experiences in motherhood is immeasurable. It is a privilege and a gift to love all aspects and qualities of your wonderful, remarkable child.

But vomiting is not one of them.

This past week, the stomach bug hit the school my children attend. Cooties rained down on the heads of elementary school students, creating a storm of nausea in homes across our town only remedied by barfing.

Two of my three offspring fell victim to this virus. My oldest, Chase, escaped infection, mainly because I made him gargle with Purell hand sanitizer. We also locked him in a padded room for three days, which seemed to help our cause.

(Oh, I kid. He totally locked himself in his room in a voluntary manner. Halloween candy, ESPN center and thoughts of spending the $25 he won for the middle school costume contest kept him occupied until sounds of the puking ceased.)

I have been a parent now for twelve years and feel confident in saying that out of all of the viruses that have struck our home, this one was straight from the devil. Evidence supported by the manner in which my son, Chandler’s head spun around twice when trying to rid his nine year old body of the evil bug.

Chandler is a laid back, tenderhearted child who exudes kindness. He is mild mannered and obedient and loving to all. But somehow, the stomach bug transformed our easygoing child into a blonde-headed version of Damien.

Beginning at two o’clock in the morning, Chandler vomited every forty-five minutes, yelling, spitting and hissing incoherently as I held his head over a bucket with one hand and a crucifix with the other. This continued through the night until the sickness slowed enough so that we could exorcise him with large doses of Pepto Bismol.

Within twelve hours, Chandler was back to normal, a picture of health and sweetness that made me forget the evilness that had infiltrated his body. Particularly comforting was that after scanning his entire person, a birthmark of three numbers could not be found.

But we’re making him gargle Holy Water, just in case.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

you all better be gargling with holy water....you spoke too soon. all of us have had this devil sent thing TWICE this year. We surely are not living right. B and I had to wake up the big girls to take care of the baby cuz we both were dying. AHHHHH, i will pray for your remaining family members. good luck and may the force be with you.

love, your SC long lost friend
msf

Leslie said...

OOOh the fun of the flu! We have had colds and they have lasted for so long! But vomitting is the worst! Glad it's passed.

Joni said...

Dear Long Lost Friend-

All is well again. The cooties have moved on to another home. Currently we are cloroxing every known space under our roof.

Sorry that vomitpalooza hit your house as well. No comment on your ten year old taking care of your little baby. : )

Joni

Joni said...

Leslie -

I would rather have a tooth extracted than deal with the evil of the stomach virus.

Everyone is rosy cheeked again. Although waist bands are a little looser...:)

Joni

Anonymous said...

she's 11. thank you.

Joni said...

Mary -

LOL!!!! She is Chase's age?! Great. Do you support arranged marriages? : )

Joni