Thursday, December 18, 2008

A letter to Santa....

Dear Santa,

I don't know if you are still taking requests but I have a few that I hope you will take the time to consider . The following are items that could really supplement my holiday joy. So, if you can,and especially if you are in a jolly mood, please help a mother out.

1. I would like the magic potion that would allow my children to sleep past 7:00 am. I'm all for the early bird getting the worm, just somewhere else besides my house.

2.I love my husband - really, I do - but could I also have a wife? One who washes clothes, packs lunches, remembers show and tell and all piano lessons, pays the bills and irons clothes properly (instead of willing the wrinkles out with the dryer). A gal who returns phone calls and emails in a timely manner, makes dinner representing all the food groups, and cares about dirty baseboards and cobwebs.

3.I would like for my children to grow verrrry slowwwwly. While I still want to sleep a little later, I want my little ones to stay little. It's all going by too fast and there's too much I want to remember. Can't you fly around the world super-duper fast and slow the world down? (It worked in the Superman movie)

4. I would like to use the bathroom alone. Enough said.

5.I would like a razor and a tweezer that produce year long results. Unruly eyebrows that point rudely at others is not cool.

6. I would like a turkey I can cook for Christmas dinner minus the unnecessary guts found inside the cavity of every bird. Who decided that gore should be included with the purchase price?

7. I would like a SUV makeover so that when the door is opened in the carpool line NOTHING falls out of the door. Not one pencil or one old field trip permission slip, not one shoe or one croc, not one empty juice box or one Happy Meal french fry. Nothing. Denada. I want to win the clean car award rather than be humiliated in front of thousands.

8. I would like smooth, luxurious Clairol hair. The kind that withstands the southern humidity instead of the current mane that turns into Bon Jovi concert hair at the slightest moisture in the air.Unless, of course, I am wearing acid wash jeans, jelly shoes and blue eye shadow.

7. I would like to wake up Chistmas morning with everything magically "lifted", certain areas properly "tucked", and all cellulite abstracted. Things pointing North rather than South would be especially appreciated.

8. I would like for Martha Stewart's show, magazine and products to be available only in the Netherlands. Reminders of my ineptness in napkin folding, candle creating, fresh juice squeezin', gravy makin' and pillow stitching is cruel and unnecessary.

Just like the turkey innards.

Joyfully yours,
Joni

7 comments:

CookingMama said...

Amen!! Please santa add that to my list too!!!

Mom of Eleven said...

That's good!
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acassidy said...

Could you copy that, sign my name,and mail it to Santa along with yours? Pretty please???

elizabeth said...

I want one of everything you listed too!

Meritt said...

Can the elves make all that? :)

Work In Progress said...

Just passing along a link that is guaranteed to bring you some Christmas JOY! We heard this last year on WMBW and have continued to enjoy it this year! So take a few minutes and visit this site: WMBW 88.9FM website. Scroll down to the Christmas Music section and at the bottom you will see the little player for the WMBW Kid's Christmas Reading. Click on that and enjoy pure unadulterated childlike faith in action!
-R
ps I hope you get all you asked for! Ha!

laurie said...

Dear Santa,
I want what Joni wants. Thank you.