Friday, July 10, 2009

Olan Mills – Beach Style

I remember as a child dreading the posed picture. My three siblings and I would not sit still, or pay attention, or even offer a smile worthy to be captured by the Olan Mills guy who desperately wanted us to say, "Cheeseburger! or "I love Scooby snacks!" It wasn’t necessarily out of disobedience, or even defiance, but rather a place of disdain for anything that made us momentarily pretend that we really were in front of a waterfall in the mountains, or leaning against a split fence out West, or that a rainbow displayed behind our backs was an actual possibility inside of a fake wood-paneled room stuffed with families trying to buy Package C.

Olan Mills, you did our family so wrong. And you didn’t really help out some of these folks either.

This is the split fence I mentioned earlier:

This is the corduroy clad professor in his study:

This cannot be comfortable:

This is just wrong on so many levels. Mr. Mills, have you no dignity?

So it is not surprising, that my children would rather have a tooth removed or a tetanus shot injected directly into their little veins than to pose for yours truly. Oh, they look joyful enough, as though they really were being agreeable, but when you find yourself saying, “If you don’t smile, you are going to get a spanking!”, then you know it is time to stop.

Notice that Chase's smile is between a grin and gritting his teeth. His irritation with me had only just begun:

"Lady, if you don't stop taking my picture, it's gonna get dicey around here."

Chandler is rolling his eyes on the inside.

"Moooommmmm, this is taking forevvverrrrrr."

"Excuse me, sir. Do you know where we might find a background that will show that dune grassy stuff growing out of our backs?"

(*Edited to add: My husband was disappointed that I chose a picture showing him with "bangs". He says that it makes him look like one of the Beatles. I said that it was more like Pee Wee Herman. He did not laugh.)

"Our evil plan worked. We wore her down."

There's nothing that quite summarizes summer better than a photo with your baby dolls in their turtle neck sweaters. The baby on the left obviously became overheated and consequently removed her baby britches.

(I crack myself up.Pun intended.)


dee said...

I am here to apologize.I'm sorry to tell you it doesn't get any better as they age.Ours are 21,16and 15. They STILL whine about taking our Christmas card picture! I am Dee in NC. Found you through Lots of Scotts and enJOY your blog. Your children are precious even if they don't like having their picture made!

Just'N Angel said...

We are going to the beach for a week tomorrow and my 22 year old daugher and her husband are so NOT into the thought of another year of beach pics. I told them "too bad" - it's a tradition and we WILL smile and have fun. Doesn't that sound happy? We'll see how they turn out. LOL

Joni said...

Dee in NC-
Oh that hurts my heart to hear that my children will not become more compliant with age.

Are they too old to spank at 21, 16 and 15? : )


Joni said...

Just N Angel -
My grandmother once tried to take a picture of me and my three siblings and if memory serves, we made her cry.She should have taken a switch to us all!

Here's an idea, take a switch to the beach with you. Even better, send me a picture of you and your family with switch in hand.

Oh, that brings me joy.


PS - before you report me to DFACS, know that I am just kidding about the switch.

Kind of.

dee said...

The answer is NO!My husband is 6'4"
He can still take them, probably not for long though.:) The two youngest are boys and they are 6' and 6'1" now.

Work In Progress said...

You can make the picture taking even more of an adventure by walking onto dunes that are roped off with no trespassing signs because of being part of federal land. "Come on guys, we won't be but just a minute..."! I try to teach my children by example! Oh and the part about taking a switch...take it and I'm not kidding!