Olan Mills – Beach Style

I remember as a child dreading the posed picture. My three siblings and I would not sit still, or pay attention, or even offer a smile worthy to be captured by the Olan Mills guy who desperately wanted us to say, "Cheeseburger! or "I love Scooby snacks!" It wasn’t necessarily out of disobedience, or even defiance, but rather a place of disdain for anything that made us momentarily pretend that we really were in front of a waterfall in the mountains, or leaning against a split fence out West, or that a rainbow displayed behind our backs was an actual possibility inside of a fake wood-paneled room stuffed with families trying to buy Package C.

Olan Mills, you did our family so wrong. And you didn’t really help out some of these folks either.

This is the split fence I mentioned earlier:

This is the corduroy clad professor in his study:


This cannot be comfortable:


This is just wrong on so many levels. Mr. Mills, have you no dignity?


So it is not surprising, that my children would rather have a tooth removed or a tetanus shot injected directly into their little veins than to pose for yours truly. Oh, they look joyful enough, as though they really were being agreeable, but when you find yourself saying, “If you don’t smile, you are going to get a spanking!”, then you know it is time to stop.

Notice that Chase's smile is between a grin and gritting his teeth. His irritation with me had only just begun:


"Lady, if you don't stop taking my picture, it's gonna get dicey around here."


Chandler is rolling his eyes on the inside.



"Moooommmmm, this is taking forevvverrrrrr."


"Excuse me, sir. Do you know where we might find a background that will show that dune grassy stuff growing out of our backs?"



(*Edited to add: My husband was disappointed that I chose a picture showing him with "bangs". He says that it makes him look like one of the Beatles. I said that it was more like Pee Wee Herman. He did not laugh.)

"Our evil plan worked. We wore her down."


There's nothing that quite summarizes summer better than a photo with your baby dolls in their turtle neck sweaters. The baby on the left obviously became overheated and consequently removed her baby britches.


THE END.
(I crack myself up.Pun intended.)