Saturday, May 5, 2012

Seeking Answers

It has been six weeks since the lacrosse accident that caused Chase’s injury.

Six weeks occupied with highs and lows, discouragement and joy, laughter and tears. There have been moments of true clarity, where the lessons have never been more clear, even though I would have preferred to learn them during a shower of blessings rather than the downpour that is my current storm.

But that’s not how God works.

Six weeks defined by absence of any sense of control, of today or tomorrow or any days we’ve yet to see. Unanswered questions that only serve to add even more, leaving feelings of inadequacy in my inability to fix. If only I could take on my child’s symptoms and pain, allowing him the chance to run and play as I watch in perfect contentment, happy to be sidelined by the injury that once was his.

But that’s not how God works.

Six weeks filled with appointments, tests and scans that rule out but don’t answer, relieving us from the worse, but not leading to better. I want the easy, obvious path to recovery, one that guarantees full recuperation, a full return to what used to be.

But that’s not how God works.

The diagnosis remains unclear and appropriate therapy seems out of reach. The smartest minds we know have been consulted, but our son doesn’t quite fit the usual or present in a way that is common or like any they’ve ever seen. Physicians are gentle in their answers but they either don’t know or offer possibilities with uncertainty.

What I realize six weeks later, with both anguish and awe, is that the answer, the fix, may not come from the place that has earned our trust academically or provided for us physically. It will come from the One who already knows how this ends, allowing a great story to manifest from the hurt and the pain and the ambiguity of all that is unknown.

Whether it is through Divine guidance to the physician who has seen a case like our son’s, or through miraculous healing that will be difficult to explain to those who don’t believe, the recovery, the end result that is promised to be good, is going to come from one source. One where all glory, honor, and elusive answers belong just to Him. So that we know, as well as all those who have witnessed our struggle, that it was Christ who worked it all out for good for our son who loves Him.

Because that’s the way God works.

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